bcmst3000's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

ok i know i dont do this much, and i wont promise to start doin it all the time either. theres too much porn out there to spend too much time doin this. plus sometimes i just dont have anything to write about. then when im doing something and i have something to write about, i cant because im doing whatever it is i would write about. but i digress. today was beautiful, but, i think its beutiful when its cold and nasty outside too. and i run with the dog either way. when im not lazy. or when i dont have to take becky out to get food or somehtin. see this all blows. she moves up here and i have to do EVERYTHING for her because she cant take care of herself. then partialy as a result of this we break up so im thinkin i wont have to anymore, but alas i still do. and i dont know if you ever lived with your ex in the same room but it absolutely sucks. i cant bring a friend over after work cuz as soon as i come in BAM broad in pj's doin absolutely nothin. who wants to come home to that? i bust my ass all day at work to come home to 'my' room and i cant even really use it. (i put quotes around the 'my' because it is technically my room but theres so much shit in it thats not mine and i spend about no time in it anymore which is why im never online or updating this journal) and i always get 'well its your room use it like you want' and im like i cant cuz youre always here. i want to come home from work and within 2.53 seconds my pants are off and im goin to town lookin at porn. instead i have to come home and look at her watchin the same dumb shit on tv, then hear her complain abouit shit when all she did was SIT ON MY FUCKING BED ALL DAY. wow. i know everyone that works full time would agree i would love for like a week to just sit around all day and do nothing. but after a week i would feel lazy and useless so i dunno how people do it, i guess some people are comfortable with it. now usually when im in a shitty situation i do what i can to fix it, and after that point i just accept what i cant change. like at work i didnt get paid enough and i wanted to be ops manager, so i did all this shit and i got a raise but the ops manager was swron in for like at least 4 years so that cant happen. so i cahanged the pay deal and i accept that i wont be ops manager. but this situation at home im confused. because i broke up with her so now i dont feel the uneanding burden to spoon feed her and do everything everyday and abandon all my friends for her. but shes still here and i still cant enjoy being single as much. what if that chick at giant called me back and we started goin out? id have to say ...no allison, we cant go to my house. 'why not?' ummm, i have a midget out break ... what the fuck. and the thing sucks because i have the ability to kick her out which would be doing what i can to change the shitty situation which is what im used to, but she has absolutely no where to live. and i cant just kick her out to the street and not care. its pathetic that her own mom wont take her back but people are stupid. especially when her mom calls me when i break up with her daughter to put a guilt trip on me for becky havin no where to go because OH NO her mom might actually have to take responisbility for her daughter. but i wont even go into that dumb broad cuz thats a whole other violent outbreak in itsself. so im about all out of options, i can accept the situation to a point but theres the looming sense that things will never get better which is how i felt while we were dating. but at least i dont have it as bad because of that fact. so my other option is to move out and hopefully when my raise starts comin in i can move out and kris seems down but we didnt talk much. i think its be cool cuz he has bikes and shit so he can attract the girls to the house and i can woo them over with my impressively large ... tony hawk skills. ha. see why is it that as soon as im done talkin about her im laughin and not complainin. goddamn talk about one bad descision being stretched out for a long time. how bad is it that i move out of my house to get away from my ex girl friend that shouldnt live there anyway? jerry, jerry, (for the slower people im sayin this could be on jerry springer, on the show they yell jerry, jerry you get it) i think someone else is at caras computer. im talkin about midgets wrestling monkeys and all of a sudden she doesnt repond for a while then someone says 'you weird'. so to poke fun i say 'you illiterate' in response to the bad grammar and then the following convo doesnt seem anything like cara would write. but shes strange like me sometimes so i guess its possible. my weirdness is nothing new to her so i dunno why shed comment on it anyway. oh well. HEY porn and a shower are callin