I think one of the best feelings ever is complete exhaustion. but only as a result of some kind of hard work. you feel like you've completed as much as you can which is awesome. everyones lookin for 'the meaning of life' and i get a little of that feeling when im completely beat. i feel like i did/created something and it was my purpose. you also get that feeling like youve proved yourself and you deserved your right to just chill and be alone. thats part of why i like being alone alot. i love comin home beat, knowing i went above and beyond and earned the money that i spend to buy the things i have, then just relaxing with those things. just kickin off the boots and sittin back and listening to music is awesome. its like 'yeah i whooped ass, everyone stay away from me.' also, today im beat from all this work, tomarrow ill be able to go a little bit further. theres a mixed feeling when it comes to other workers tho, its like, 'yeah im the shit i work so much harder than him' but youre also like 'WHAT THE FUCK? do somethin!' so then you come home, relax, jerk off, shower, then chill. either alone or with a friend. even if they smoke crack and talk about how good of an idea it is to marry a girl you've known for 2 months and only met her in person once (and i still dont think he even met her then) but still your friends are your friends, and no matter how dumb they are you have to be there for them. he asked me to be his best man. and i had to say yes cuz id do anything for him, but then i hit him and called him an idiot. i think knowing the other persons middle name is a small prerequisite for marriage. but i cant tell him not to do it. all i can do is explain the rational solution and let him do what he wants. but its weird when you tell them repeatedly not to do something because you are looking out for their best intrest, then they do it anyway, they get screwed, and come back to you for solace. for me, the logic inside is like 'no mother fucker i told you not to eat that bleach and you didnt listen, deal with it' then the other side of the brain is like 'hey hes my friend ill drive him to the hospital and wait for him' and the fact that ill listen to the sypathetic side when it comes to friends makes me really loosely use the term 'friend' because you can do all that for a friend, and they turn around and lie to you for NO FUCKING REASON. aaahhhhh embrace the bitter. see now im not relaxed anymore. now im all wound up because of lying people. but still as silly as the friend getting married is i know he wont lie to me or anything so ill always be at his side when he needs me. even if he smokes crack and doesnt know how to show thanks.

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