Monday. 6.15.09 3:56 pm
Have you ever at next to someone you wanted to kill? Seriously wanted dead, not leave you alone, not go away, you wanted this mother fucker to stop breathing. And I don't mean over some bullshit like he cut you off in traffic or said you looked like a tool. I mean did something severe, like killed people you swore to help defend, and theres only one way to stop that asshole. Then imagine sitting right in front of the guy, looking right in his eyes. tension you could cut with a knife. or a machete would be more fitting.
And this is why i bitch so fervently about the gross incompitence all around. Everyones job here is to support the warfighter in one way or another. Either you shoot at the bad gus to win the war, or you keep the trucks running, feed the troops, point them in the right direction to shoot, whatever. You ae either shooting or supporting those shooting and in my opinion if you drag your ass in supporting them then you are just as bad as not shooting to keep them alive. Its easy to forget that when you sit behind a computer all day and never hear gun shots. So when you drop the ball, dont show up to work, whatever, you're allowing Joe out there to be killed. Any job. If you want to be a lazy piece of shit when you're home and fucking around, thats one thing, youre only hurting yourself. But dont do it here ass hole. I worked too goddamn hard to get this asshole to let him go back out and do the same shit to us because you didnt feel like putting a slide show together. Fuck you. Youre as bad as the guys we're shooting at at that point.
Here's another bit of irony; when the mother fucker who is in essence helping the enemy through the course of his inemptness, causing me to work obscene hours, calmy comes to me and asks condescendingly why I'm getting out. Seriously? that's all the better you have to do right now? How do you tactfully tell a superior that you're getting out of the military because people like him shattered your illusion of brave, honorable soldiers and turned it into an image of apalling, unsavable incompitence which you dont ever want to be associated with? The fun is, if I said that to him and stared him in the eye, his response would be "Whu dew u meen?!?!1" Mother Fucker.
The scary part is how your psyche changes when people are shootng and you have a dangerous, tangible enemy around you and you have to be on your toes, and then the lines blur because someone is so inept you think he has to be aiding the enemy. I'm not saying i'll ever do, or am considering doing anything serious. But slapping him in the mouth isn't serious right?
It's amazing the diametrically opposing relationships going on here. On one hand you have this cock sucker who is only a peg or two above the guy i mentioned at the very beginning. Then you have guys that I've only known for a few months, and I will be closer to than I ever could be with other people in other circumstances. Not like he's my friend and we'll talk forever. I'll probably never see these guys again after we leave. But the comradere and the unison of your team in an environment such as this is unrivaled. If I take nothing else from this (and there is plenty) i'll take that feeling of absolute trust, unbreakable by anything. Sure he'll steal my soda when I turn my back but a man who will run to a burning truck to pull you out get a certain trust and closeness that no one ever could. And if theres anyone you can't feel that way with then they should be at the ther end of the barrel.
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